I turn 28 on Monday, June 18.  And after Janelle inspired me — I decided to write this.  (Special thanks to my cousin, “Dr. J,” who is one of those over-30 awesome people. LOL)

Stop acting like 25 is “almost 30.” Every year past age 24 is not “30 Eve,” and besides that, you’re pissing off people who really are 30. And as for the real 30-year-olds, the 40-year-olds want you to shut up and stop complaining. There’s nothing that makes me feel more young and dumb than starting my spiel about not wanting to go to the club, and “blah, blah, blah, I’m getting old,” than saying that dumb shit, then realizing that I’m talking to somebody who is fucking awesome, and well past age 30.

Age 30 is not the TSA line to Old Town. Certainly, you follow some fly broads on Twitter who are a decade older than you, and enjoying life. I’ve been a (nerdy) fly broad for nearly three decades, and I don’t imagine that changing anytime soon. Yes, I, will continue to intermittently bemoan the fact that I’m not that cute pregnant chick with the fly ass intellectual and witty husband, strolling out of church. My homegirl and I will wah, wah, wah about our “we have everything, but” lives over brunch, we’ll bitch our way through the racks in SoHo, then we’ll direct the cabby to drive our two-woman shit convention back uptown to Harlem and then, when I’m writing in my journal about what I’m grateful for, I’ll realize that I wasted an entire day on some bullshit.

Be joyous about something, ANYTHING, right now. Because there are no guarantees. For years, I secretly read the Vows section of the NYTimes. I’d be all peanut butter and jealous about these couples and their too-cute stories. But if you have time, please read this. It’s evidence that just because you tie the knot doesn’t mean it stays tied, or that you have now entered the fairy tale portion of life, where health and wealth are guaranteed, and bad is only a little bad, like Him leaving the toilet seat up.

If you hate your job, then here’s some advice for making it through. 1) Re-read the previous sentence and focus on the word “through.” You. Are. Not. Staying. In. That. Job. Forever. I promise. There’s no way.  Unless you’re a shoe repairmen from the Old Country, and you’ve opened a little shop with your son Oliver in some tiny American town where charming little businesses thrive, then guess what, you probably won’t make a life of the job you’re in.

Here’s my second piece of advice, 2) Don’t make hating your job, “your job.” It will eat away at your very soul, and you’ll find yourself in such desperation that you’ll make dumb moves. By “dumb moves,” I mean you might quit your job without having some idea of how you’ll live. Friends will rally around you and support your decision to be happy, but empowering statements won’t keep your Wi-Fi on long enough for you to get a job off Monster.com.

Also, don’t be so busy hating your job, that you forget to look for another. Your constant state of shitty might keep your from speaking to that lady sitting next to you in the Wal-Mart pharmacy waiting area, and she could totally have a niece who is in HR, who loves her job, and could totally help you. (Also note that the benefit plan from your shitty job is paying for your birth control. Praise Him.)

Don’t be a crazyface. Somewhere along the line, somebody told you that you should be doing your “dream” job. And while I support the idea of doing work that allows you to fulfill your purpose, getting there isn’t always a direct route. Maybe you’ll need to learn some things at Place A, or maybe God will allow you to chill out in the seemingly irrelevant Place B, while he cooks up some blessings in Place C. Whatever the case, do your best at work, even if that means making a conscious effort toward not cussing everybody out. Plan your lunch. Dress cute. Keep your inbox clean. Read your devotional before you get it cracking. Be nice to whoever you can be nice to. And then when you leave work, try to enjoy life. Because sometimes, work is just a means for you to support yourself so you can do the things that you REALLY like to do.

Without a job, all that wine you drink after 7 p.m. wouldn’t make any sense. It wouldn’t be a way to unwind, you’d just be an alcoholic. Let work be your excuse, chile.

Then there’s God. I have long been a card-carrying Christian. I knew the love of God, but not in the way that a person who’s been through a storm knows the love of God. That is, until the storm came, and there was ONLY God. And it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. Find out what God wants you to do.

This message was best summed up for me in The Purpose Driven Life, so I won’t even pseudo-Rick Warren you out this piece. Just read the book, or ask somebody to give you a summary. You’re special. God has something that he wants you to do. But even more important, God just loves him some you, man!

In the words of Rev. Rick, God can’t love you any more or any less than he already loves you right now. Chill and listen to him sometimes. And if you can’t think of what to ask, then just say thanks for three things each night. Those things didn’t come to you by chance. He gave them to you. He’s very present. If he seems distant, then maybe it’s you who’s electric sliding away.

Speaking of which. Knowing that God loves me, and can’t love me any more or any less, I am more willing to call on him even in the midst of ratchetness. Like, literally.

I once said it in a tweet during a turbulent flight, and I’ll say it again – the ugliest part of sin is that it tricks you into believing you can’t holler at God.

But TRUST, you can always holler at God. I have a theory about those half-dressed Facebook models who tweet Bible verses and lingerie pictures all in one day. I say, keep tweeting, boo-boo. One day, one of those Bible verses may set your heart on fire, or maybe one of your ratchet friends will be touched. Hell, the Bible verse you posted between Patron shots may be the ONLY church some folks on your timeline ever get.

In that same breath, I must tell you that I don’t always wake up alone. In fact, sometimes, I wake up with … and we… Look, what I’m here to tell you is that, I know what I’m doing is wrong. But I don’t let it stop me from reading my morning devotional, or saying a quick prayer right as I’m dozing off from that gooood, good lovin’ (:: Jill Scott voice::). I don’t think God is more mad about me rolling in the hay than he is about me gossiping during church (although the consequences might be more devastating on the first thing). Of course, I strive to modify my behavior, but I have to draw strength from somewhere, and I think it’s silly to wait five hours after I’m “acting bad” to talk to God. He sees me anyway.

Last but not least. If you want something, then say you want it. The universe does not respond to reverse psychology. Don’t go on a break from dating because you want to show Love how angry you are. Love will not search you out and try to prove itself to you. If you want love, then be loving – to yourself, to your friends and family, and maybe somebody awesome will come along. If not, then you’ll at least have some peace and warmth in your life. AND you’ll be adding some peace and warmth to someone else’s life, which leads me to this next and final point: it ain’t all about you. But I’m sure you already knew that.

Do your best. Say your prayers. Stick to your word. When all else fails, and you’re up late worrying – pause — now change your sheets, take a shower, dry off with a fresh towel, have a sip of water and slide into bed. Say a little prayer. Count a couple stars. You can start over tomorrow.